As I Fell Through The Fabric Of Space: A Derailment

I couldn’t help but realize how much this world has changed from ten years ago.  (Yes, everything changes in ten years:  plants, animals, humans…we all develop duh).  Every physical and chemical property worked in unity:  gravity, electromagnetism, relativity, you name it.  (Doesn’t everything work in unity now, this isn’t anything new).  Now, throw everything you ever knew about space and time out the window because this world has become a chaotic mess.  (This is a weird view point, I thought this was a narrative and now you’re talking to an audience?)  Planets of a mind boggling mass are flying around, microscopic atoms are being inflated like balloons, and stars are collapsing like a thousand big bangs.  (So how come your not dead yet…what is making you so invincible?)  Of course, I shudder to look down to see the very fabric that once served as a calming resting place for planets to spin on, has become the biggest trampoline ever to exist.  (So…your floating in the air with stuff flying everywhere, miraculously dodging you, and now you see a trampoline that’s somehow now affecting you either?)  Upon closer inspection, I see tears in this fabric that are growing into enormous black holes; sucking in everything within a large radius.  (I think you would be dead before you conceived of what was actually happening if this was true)  One hole directly below me seems to be the biggest of all:  a super massive black hole.  (There’s just one super massive black hole?…in this universe there are many)  As I am being pulled into its current, so are most of the other celestial bodies that once accompanied the universe.  (Again, how is that no other celestial body is hurting you?)  I see nothing but darkness on the way down as I try to dodge my surroundings.  (Your falling helplessly down a rabbit hole, how can you dodge anything?)  I close my eyes as an asteroid is about to hit me…(So nothing hits you except a puny asteroid?!)
“Honey, Honey!  Are you ok?” (No mom, I was just hit by an asteroid what do you think?) 

“Mom?”  (If I were hit by an asteroid I wouldn’t even know what Mom would mean)

“You seemed to be dreaming sweetie.” (Well that’s a pretty wimpy way to end an epic story, it would’ve been interesting if you didn’t just conclude to a dream)

“Oh…what year is it by the way?”  (Because my next question after waking up from a dream is to know what year it is…right…)

“Why, it’s 2021.” (Probably the most accurate thing said in this entire story).

This was confusing because I felt like you were switching from first person view to third person at times, you have to pick a perspective and stick with it, otherwise nobody is going to read this.  It was also completely unrealistic, the character should have been dead before even conceiving that the world was in a chaotic mess, even if it was a dream.  The idea of falling down a rabbit hole should have also been stressed more, since this was the underlying theme.  Not just you get sucked into a rabbit hole and then get hit by an asteroid, only to wake up as if it was a dream, it’s a cop-out.  There should have been a more creative way to incorporate 2021…maybe if this wasn’t a dream and you land on the other side of the rabbit hole to find it’s 2021, etc.

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math, juice, world of warcraft, starcraft 2, call of duty, kingdom hearts, final fantasy, marvel vs. capcom 3, japan(ese), nom nomz, nerdiness, View all posts by tally

One response to “As I Fell Through The Fabric Of Space: A Derailment

  • kmbyrd

    This piece made me think about how realistic the writing has to be? As long as the author paints a complete picture, it just might work. I read science fiction books all the time and every once and a while I’ll wonder why the author wrote it that way. It doesn’t make sense or I don’t believe a character’s reaction. I don’t think it’s about a realistic reaction according to the circumstance, but how consistent that reaction is with who we know the character to be. If you were a twelve year old boy having this dream, or even a sixteen year old with a vivid imagination…I could believe many things. And maybe some of the unrealistic things could be an indication to the reader in a not so obvious way, that this is a dream. I know that this post was about mainting one point of view, but I thought it was kind of cool.

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